


Shame

by evilwriter37



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Captured, Episode: s02e03 The Night and the Fury, M/M, Making Out, forced making out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-06-29 05:06:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15722586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilwriter37/pseuds/evilwriter37
Summary: Takes place after an alternate ending to The Night and the Fury. Dagur captures Hiccup and Toothless, and uses Toothless as leverage to get whatever he wants from Hiccup. Hiccup is rescued before things can turn worse.





	1. Chapter 1

“Dagur, release me and Toothless or my friends will-”

“Will what?” Dagur snapped, tugging Hiccup down the ship’s narrow hallway. Toothless was above deck, muzzled in a cage. Hiccup was just glad that Dagur hadn’t killed him yet, that he’d seen fit to let this game of dragon hunting not end in a kill like he’d originally planned. “Come after an entire armada? If they do that, they’re stupider than I thought.”

Dagur shoved open the door at the end of the hallway with his free hand, then tossed Hiccup inside. He came in after him, shut the door. Hiccup quickly viewed his surroundings before turning back to head for the door, but Dagur was blocking it.

“Ah, don’t run, Hiccup. Play nice.”

“With you? Yeah, I don’t think so.” Hiccup made a lunge for the door, but Dagur only pushed him backwards. Hiccup stumbled, but kept his fighting stance, hands clenched into fists. He knew he couldn’t fight though. Dagur was bigger and stronger than him, always had been, and probably always would be. What he had on him in height didn’t help either. He looked around again. “Dagur, why am I in your room?”

“Oh, fun reasons.” Dagur cracked his knuckles, and Hiccup took a frightened step backwards. He tried to pretend he wasn’t fazed though.

“What? So you’re going to beat me now? I thought we had a good night! Well, you know, except for that ending.” Hiccup rubbed at the back of his neck. He was sore from his fight with Dagur over Toothless, and he was really wishing that he hadn’t run into him on Dragon Island in the first place. “Look, Dagur, the dragon thing? It’s… It’s not a big deal, okay? I’m sorry I lied to you, but-”

“Oh, this isn’t about that right now.” Dagur grinned at him, and the look made Hiccup sick to his stomach.

“Then what is this about?”

“You. It’s about you, Hiccup. I’m going to need one thing from you first.”

“What is that?” Hiccup wasn’t about to give anything to Dagur. He didn’t even have much on his person that Dagur would be interested in. “My shield?”

“Oh, I mean, I suppose I could just keep that, but actually, I need your cooperation.”

Hiccup huffed. “Fat chance.”

Dagur shrugged. “Well, then I guess Toothless will get it.” He drew his thumb under his throat to show what he meant by that, and Hiccup inhaled sharply.

“Okay,” Hiccup told him hurriedly. If he could protect Toothless, he would. That’s why Dagur hadn’t killed him yet. He was using him as leverage. “I’ll do what you want! Just don’t kill Toothless!”

“Awesome. So if I step away from the door you won’t run?”

Hiccup considered it, but he again thought of Dagur’s size. He’d overtake him in no time, and his failed sprint for freedom would only end in Toothless’ death.

“I won’t.” 

“Good.” 

Dagur stepped away from the door, taking off his helmet. Hiccup grew confused as he undid his braid and shook out his hair to let it fall around his shoulders. He looked like he was just getting himself comfortable. Then he was removing his sword and tossing it to the floor with a clang. 

“Okay, what are you doing?” Hiccup asked as he sat and began removing his boots.

“Uh, getting comfortable. This  _ is  _ my room, after all.”

Hiccup just pursed his lips awkwardly, folded his hands in front of him, waiting for… well, he didn’t know what. Something. He took a closer look at the items around him, and a shiver ran through him as he noticed drawings of himself pinned to one wall. The likeness of him was good, like Dagur had taken his time with them, and there were just so many.

_ What is  _ wrong  _ with this guy? _

Hiccup was so focused on the drawings that he didn’t notice Dagur standing and coming over to him until he had his huge hands on his waist.

“Admiring my work?” Dagur asked, sounding casual of all things, and Hiccup turned his head to look at him, hating how he had to look up to meet his gaze. Dagur had taken off his armor as well and was just in his pants and tunic.

“Uh…” Hiccup didn’t know how to answer. The wrong answer around Dagur could get him punched. “I guess?”

Dagur leaned in so that his mouth was near his ear. “Was going to do one of you naked, but I didn’t have time.”

“ _ Excuse  _ me?!”

“Well, when I said thinking of you killing the Red Death made me all tingly, you did understand what kind of tingly I meant, right?” Dagur thrusted his hips against his and Hiccup felt something hard through his clothing. Bile rose in his throat. He wasn’t entirely sure what was about to happen to him, but he knew it was going to be bad. Having this part of Dagur against him made him all kinds of uncomfortable, and his face turned red.

“I, uh…” Hiccup cleared his throat, tried pulling away, but Dagur tightened his grip on him to the point of aching. “You know, I really try not to think too much about anything you say. Don’t wanna have nightmares.”

Dagur laughed, and it wasn’t his usual maniacal cackle, but closer to a normal laugh. Hiccup had never heard it from him before.

“Gods, Hiccup, you’re too good! Now remember, our whole deal about cooperation and you doing anything I say?”

“Um, yes?” Hiccup was scared now, his heart thudding hard against his chest, his breath coming in pants. He was about to find out what Dagur wanted to do with him.

Dagur leaned his head down, so close that Hiccup could smell his breath, and Hiccup turned his head away, but Dagur took him by the chin and turned it back towards him. Hiccup wanted to fight to get out of his grip, but he didn’t want Toothless to end up dead because of him. He remained still as Dagur’s lips touched his, even as his stomach did a flip and he felt like something in his chest shriveled up and died. He’d never wanted to be kissed by Dagur. He tried to imagine it was Astrid’s lips against his own, but the shape wasn’t right, nor was the emotion that went with it. When Astrid kissed him it was sweet and affectionate and caring. These were things Hiccup had never felt before, but he’d certainly seen Dagur look at him with them: lust, obsession, twisted passion. Hiccup didn’t kiss back.

Dagur pulled away, pressed his forehead to his, mouth so close to his, and Hiccup had his eyes closed. 

“Damn, did you die or something?” Dagur breathed. “When someone kisses you it’s usually nice to kiss them back.” He giggled. “Or have you just never been kissed before?”

Hiccup wanted so desperately to pull away from him, but he couldn’t move from his hold. “I’ve been kissed before.” He wanted to snap it, but being so close to Dagur made a louder volume just not seem right. 

“Oh, by who?”

“None of your business.”

“Was it the blonde? Astrid?”

“I’m not saying.” Hiccup felt violated enough as it was, felt like Dagur had taken something from him. He certainly wasn’t going to let him have that. Besides, if he found out, he would just taunt him.

“Fine. But you better kiss me back this time.”

“But-”

“Remember the Night Fury.”

Hiccup wanted to correct Dagur on his name, but then his lips were pressed to his again. Hiccup had a second to feel disgusted, but then he had to do his part and kiss back. He was awkward and clumsy about it though, not entirely sure what Dagur wanted him to do.

Dagur yanked his head away. “That’s it. You’re getting a lesson on kissing. Right now.”

“I, um, didn’t ask for one.” Hiccup didn’t know what to say to possibly get out of this. 

“Too bad, little brother.”

As Dagur dragged Hiccup over to the bed, Hiccup made a face. “Ugh, can’t you pick what I am to you?”

Dagur shoved him down onto the bed on his back, and it took everything Hiccup had not to struggle against him. Then he was straddling him, like he had earlier that night, but now his intentions were different. Or maybe they weren’t. Maybe these had been his intentions the entire time. He  _ had _ said he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

“Do I have to?” Dagur had himself propped up with a hand on either side of his head, trapping him there.

“Well, I’m not your brother.”

Dagur leaned over, his hair brushing Hiccup’s neck and the sides of his face, like a cage made of red. 

“Too bad. I like calling you that.” Then Dagur kissed him again, briefly, before pulling the barest amount away. “Okay, so I’m gonna go slow and show you how it’s done. Just do what I do.”

Dagur’s mouth was on his again, and Hiccup cringed, wishing he could pull away, wishing this wasn’t happening. He moved his mouth slowly against his, pursing it, then opening it at different angles, and though every fiber of his being was screaming at this, Hiccup followed his lead, which had them giving each other open-mouthed kisses. Hiccup hated the sound of it, the warm feel of Dagur’s lips against his, the heat of his mouth. 

Dagur’s tongue made its way into Hiccup’s open mouth, and now Hiccup did turn his head away, gasping for air.

“Ew, your  _ tongue? _ ”

“Yes, my tongue.” Dagur sounded annoyed. “That’s what making out is. Now put your head back the other way or your dragon won’t have one.”

Hiccup did so, and was instantly met with Dagur’s lips and tongue, and he had no choice but to take it. He guessed that the only thing he had to be grateful for was that Dagur wasn’t hurting him.

This went on for quite a while, Dagur having to pull away multiple times to catch his breath before coming back in and kissing him again. He seemed to be absolutely reveling in this, enjoying it immensely. It made Hiccup wish that he reciprocated his feelings, that he could feel good things from this rather than just violation and disgust. It would make this easier.

Finally, Dagur was climbing off of him, and Hiccup was left to heave air in and out and hope this was over.

“Whew!” Dagur exclaimed. “That was awesome, Hiccup!” Hiccup sat up on the bed, wishing he could wipe his mouth on his sleeve, but Dagur was still looking at him, his eyes bright.

Hiccup had nothing to say to that. If he said the opposite, that could get him hurt or Toothless killed, and he couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t agree with him either though. The words didn’t want to come out of his mouth. He just couldn’t make them.

Dagur turned away with a frown when Hiccup didn’t say anything, and Hiccup took the opportunity and quickly wiped his mouth on his sleeve. He had the urge to set that part of himself on fire or drink Changewing acid.

When Hiccup looked back to Dagur, he was shocked to see him in just his pants.

“Whoa, whoa! What are you doing?!”

Dagur turned to look at him, raised his eyebrows. “Um, getting ready for bed.” He nodded to him. “You’re telling me that you’re going to sleep in all that?”

Hiccup was afraid to ask but: “Where am I sleeping?”

“My bed. Obviously. Does it look like there’s another one around?”

“Thanks, but I think I’d prefer to sleep in the cage with Toothless.”

“But then you’d be all cramped and uncomfortable!” Dagur argued, either not understanding his disgust with him, or just not seeing it. Or maybe he was seeing it and straight up ignoring it. Hiccup wasn’t going to explain to him that he’d feel the same in a bed with Dagur. The last thing he wanted to do was cuddle with him and sleep next to him.

“Okay, fine,” Hiccup ceded. He swung his legs over the bed, took off his boot, and then, after some thought, his prosthetic. He wasn’t going to be going anywhere. He didn’t need it. Then he took off his vest and tossed it over his boot. “You happy now?”

“Very much so.” Dagur smiled, then got into the bed beside him, and gestured for him to get under the blankets. With a roll of his eyes, Hiccup did so. Dagur instantly wrapped an arm around him and forced him to face him. Then he was kissing him again, one arm around his back, his other hand cupping his face. Hiccup almost didn’t kiss back, but then he remembered Dagur’s threat, and he wanted Toothless alive, so he did.

Dagur moaned in ecstasy against his mouth, stroked his cheek with his thumb, teasing his tongue at his lips. Hiccup let his tongue slip inside and begin to stake more claim over his mouth, hating the sound Dagur had just made.

“Gods, this is a dream come true,” Dagur said. “I’ve been thinking about you and  _ thinking  _ about you and here you are.”

“Here I am,” Hiccup affirmed glumly

Dagur gave him a quick peck. “Well, time for bed. You and I had quite the long night dragon hunting, didn’t we?”

There was nothing to say to that, so Hiccup just rolled around so he didn’t have to face Dagur, glad that he wasn’t making him. Though, Dagur seemed to have actually wanted that from him. He brought his legs up against his and wrapped his arms around him, cradling him against his body, and Hiccup was glad he had his shirt on so that he didn’t have to feel his skin touching his.

But then he did. Dagur’s hands were traveling up under the front of his tunic. He chuckled.

“Oh man, you’re tiny.”

“I thought you said you were going to sleep,” Hiccup protested.

“Yeah, I did. Sorry.” Dagur pulled his hands out from under his tunic, clasped them at his stomach. “That’s for tomorrow anyway. Don’t want to spoil myself.”

Hiccup swallowed hard. Of course Dagur was going to violate him more tomorrow. He didn’t know what he was possibly going to do, but none of this made him feel good. He figured Dagur would want to touch him between his legs, and he knew that was a place that he didn’t want to be touched in, that he himself only touched. He certainly wasn’t allowing Dagur to touch him or do any of this. He’d just forced everything upon him and would continue to do so. It left an awful feeling in Hiccup’s stomach and a bad taste in his mouth.

“Goodnight, brother.”

Hiccup said nothing. Dagur squeezed him a little too hard.

“I said  _ good night _ .”

“Oh, uh, good night, Dagur.”

Dagur hummed, nuzzled his nose into Hiccup’s neck, and that touch made a shiver patter up his spine like icy fingers.

_ I’ll never be able to sleep like this. _

Eventually, Dagur fell asleep. His breaths became longer and deeper, and his arms became loose around him. After some time, Hiccup gingerly moved them off of him and inched towards the edge of the bed. Now he felt like he was going to fall off, but it was better than being right up against Dagur.

As time went on, Hiccup wanted to roll onto his other side, but if he did that he’d be facing Dagur. He was stuck like this, it seemed. He was tired, and he just wanted to fall asleep, but his presence was oppressive against his back.

Hiccup didn’t fall asleep until hours had passed and it was probably nearing dawn, and when he finally did, he had nightmares.

  
  


The whole rest of the day with Dagur was a pain. Hiccup couldn’t try to escape for fear of Dagur harming Toothless, even when he was out on deck and Toothless was in the cage nearby. What was worse was that Dagur didn’t let him go near him, even with supervision. All Hiccup wanted to do was open the cage door, rip off the muzzle, and fly away. And, if he couldn’t do that, he at least wanted to reach his hands through the bars, pet him, and tell him that everything was going to be okay. At first Toothless had made distressed noises at seeing him, calls for help, but then he had realized he couldn’t do anything, and had gone forlorn and silent. Hiccup didn’t know which hurt him more.

During the day, he found himself looking out towards the skies, wondering when his dad and his friends would be coming with a rescue. Dagur was right: it would be difficult and maybe even stupid for them to take on an entire armada, but if it was an attack to rescue him rather than one to take down the fleet, maybe it would work.

And of course, Dagur had his arm around him practically the whole time. Hiccup was grateful that he didn’t kiss him again, especially not in front of his own men, but Dagur’s words from the night before weighed heavy on him. He was going to do something to him that night, and Hiccup already knew that he didn’t want it. He couldn’t eat no matter how Dagur tried to make him, his stomach clenched with nerves. He wasn’t the least bit hungry. Having Dagur so close and so ready to touch him without his consent ruined his appetite.

Despite all his hoping, night time eventually came without a rescue, and Hiccup was taken back below deck into Dagur’s room. Again, Dagur was taking off his helmet, his armor, and his sword. Hiccup just stood there, trembling with fear and hating to admit it.

Once that was done, Dagur went over to him, took him by the waist and pulled him into him. He put one hand to his chest. 

“Last night I asked you if you felt it too,” Dagur said, his voice having gotten lower and deeper. “This connection between us. Do you?”

“No,” Hiccup answered truthfully. He couldn’t get himself to say anything else. His voice was surprisingly even. “No, I don’t.”

“I’ll make you feel it.” Dagur leaned down and kissed him deeply and passionately on the mouth. He started slow, but then it quickly grew more heated, ferocious even. He walked Hiccup backwards till he was pressed against the wall, bit and nibbled on his lower lip, probably hard enough to leave bruises.

Hiccup inhaled sharply through his nose when Dagur pulled his vest off. Then he was tugging at his belt before undoing it and letting it drop to the floor. Hiccup felt heat flush through his veins. He wanted so desperately to fight, to just knee Dagur between the legs and make a run for it, but Toothless was too important to him. He didn’t know that he’d make it to Toothless in time, that Dagur wouldn’t grab him. He couldn’t do that. He had to let him do this.

Dagur pulled away from Hiccup’s mouth to pull his tunic up, and Hiccup had no choice but to lift his arms and let him take it off of him. Then Dagur was staring at his body, running one large hand over his abdomen. Hiccup hated the feeling of skin against skin.

“Ooh, I can see dragon riding is beginning to make you muscular.”

“Stop it.” Hopefully Hiccup was allowed to protest without Dagur doing anything to Toothless.

“Relax, Hiccup.” Dagur massaged his shoulders. “I’m not going to hurt you. Well, not intentionally. I’ll do my best not to.”

Hiccup felt like he was going to be sick, and his breaths were coming in a panicked rush. Dagur kissed him again, hard, and Hiccup hated what he felt behind that kiss. Dagur was about to do something very,  _ very  _ bad to him.

The ship suddenly rocked, like the water around it was in turmoil. At first, Dagur ignored it, continued kissing him, but then there was an audible explosion, and the ship rocked again.

“Dammit!” Dagur hurriedly pulled away from him, went scrambling for his helmet and his sword; there was no time to put on the rest of his armor. Then he left the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Hiccup was quick to put his clothes back on. There was yelling outside, the sounds of battle. He was being rescued! There was no lock on the door, so Hiccup was going to retrieve his shield from the hold, rush outside and join the fight, but then he stopped at the door, felt at his lips. They were definitely swelling from Dagur’s furious kissing, and his lower one was probably bruised. There was a sinking feeling in Hiccup’s stomach, and mortification heated his cheeks. He didn’t want anyone to know about this, didn’t want anyone to know what Dagur had done to him and what he’d been about to do to him. How could he hide it though?

Then an idea popped into his head. It was something one of the twins would do, and, it seemed ridiculous, but it would work. Without stopping to think about it, Hiccup balled his hand into a fist and punched himself in the mouth.

He gave a cry, reeled backwards from his own blow. That  _ hurt _ . Once he’d recovered from the shock of it, he felt at his lips again, and his fingers came away with blood. He could taste it on his tongue. Good. Now it would just look like Dagur had punched him in the face.

Burying the shame that dug inside of him with a knife over what had happened, Hiccup rushed outside.

  
  


Hiccup was bombarded when they got back to Berk and he dismounted from Toothless. His friends were all over him, asking questions about his well being that he couldn’t keep track of. 

“Hey, give him some space,” Stoick said, gently ushering his friends away. Then it was just Hiccup and his father, and Hiccup was feeling that shame again. He felt like this was all his fault. It was his own fault Dagur was enraptured with him. It was his own fault that he’d been captured. Dagur had in fact told him that it was all about him. The coming war was his fault too. If he hadn’t lied to Dagur about the dragons, if he hadn’t rejected him… 

“Son, are you alright?” Stoick put a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“Just a bit banged up,” Hiccup answered honestly. “I’ll be fine.”

“What did he do to you?” Stoick questioned. “What did he want?”

“He just, uh, wanted Toothless.” That wasn’t entirely a lie. It was part of the truth, and Hiccup felt better telling a partial truth rather than an all out lie. “He wasn’t happy when he found out about the dragons. I think he wants a war.” There. Let his dad focus on that rather than what had been done to him. 

“Don’t go jumping to conclusions, Hiccup. We’ll find out if he attacks any of our ships.” Stoick pulled him into a hug. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

  
  


Dagur did want war. He wanted Hiccup. He disguised it as wanting Toothless, by Hiccup felt like he did a poor job of it. Maybe that’s because he knew that what he really wanted was him.

Hiccup could hardly sleep at night anymore. He kept being disturbed by nightmares of being captured by Dagur, nightmares of what he wanted to do to him. Worst of all, he had nightmares of his dad finding out what was really going on. In those dreams, he blamed him for all of this as well, grew angry with him over the war. Sometimes there were even dreams where his father gave him to Dagur as a peace offering, and upon waking from those, Hiccup would honestly consider doing that himself. Maybe this would all be over if he did that. But no, he couldn’t. He was much too scared to do anything like that, and he was too scared to tell his father the real reason they were at war.

Him. It was all because of him.

When Hiccup lay awake at night, waiting for the nightmares, he would be eaten alive by shame.


	2. Chapter 2

Hiccup paced the main floor of his house, though the sound of his footsteps only seemed to accentuate how empty it was without his dad there. Dagur had captured Stoick because he hadn’t been able to reach Hiccup. He’d invaded Berk and nearly killed his friends and their dragons just to get him. Again, Hiccup was left feeling like this entire war was his fault. If he hadn’t rejected Dagur…

Hiccup was pulled from his thoughts by a knock on his door. He sighed. He wasn’t in the mood for talking to anyone, but he realized that he had to. Besides, it was probably one of his friends.

He opened the door to find Astrid standing there, a concerned look on her face.

“Hiccup, we need to be talking about what to do. Why are you in here all alone?”

“Because I want to be.” Hiccup had been keeping his distance from his friends ever since the incident with Dagur. He would come up in conversation sometimes, and Hiccup didn’t know how to act when he did. He couldn’t just tell them what had happened, tell them that he’d been held and kissed against his will, that Dagur had been planning on doing much worse to him. He couldn’t tell them that this current war was all his fault.

“Well, can I come in?”

Hiccup held in another sigh, and stepped aside to let Astrid enter. He closed the door behind her.

“What’s going on, Hiccup?”

“You already know what’s going on.” He went past her and sat in his dad’s chair. It was much too big for him, and guilt squeezed at his stomach.

“I meant with you.” Astrid approached the table, but stayed standing. “You’ve been acting weird ever since Dragon Island.”

“Weird? What? No, I haven’t,” Hiccup denied.

Astrid crossed her arms. “Yes you have. You spend a lot more time on your own. You’re irritable and moody and you blow up at tiny little things.”

Hiccup released a long breath through his nose. It had been only a matter of time before someone talked to him about this. His dad had talked to him about it already and Hiccup had just used the excuse that he was a teenager, and teenagers got moody, right? Stoick hadn’t seemed satisfied with that though, and there was no way Astrid would be.

“Okay, you’re right about all of that.” Hiccup leaned forward, placed his elbows on his knees, looking at the floor. “I just don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Well, look, you have to talk about things, Hiccup. Maybe it’ll help you.”

Hiccup pursed his lips into a line. Astrid was right, wasn’t she? Of course she was.

“Okay. Just, uh, could you sit down?” he asked, looking up at her. Astrid nodded, took the seat across from him.

_ Where to start? _

Hiccup had no idea how to explain this to anyone, mortification sinking into him as he thought about it, but now he had to. He had to tell the truth. Astrid wouldn’t settle for anything less. He wasn’t a very good liar anyway. She would know if he was lying.

Guilt overcame Hiccup in a wave, and he bowed his head into his hands. “It’s my fault, Astrid,” he said. “This whole war’s my fault.”

“What? Hiccup, no it’s not,” Astrid said. “It’s not your fault that Dagur’s obsessed with Toothless.”

Hiccup laughed. The sound was sharp, cynical. He  _ wished _ it truly was Toothless that Dagur was obsessed with. Maybe then he would feel a little less awful about everything. Would the war still be his fault? Maybe. But at least it wouldn’t be like this.

“Hiccup, what’s so funny about this?” Astrid seemed put off, like he was laughing at her or something.

Hiccup quickly stifled his dark laughter. “Nothing, nothing. It’s just” -he shook his head, still looking anywhere but at Astrid- “I  _ wish  _ that’s actually what it was.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, okay, Dagur does want Toothless.” Hiccup leaned forward. “But that’s his second priority.”

“Then what’s his first one?”

Hiccup inhaled deeply before speaking. “Me.”

“You?”

Hiccup nodded. He lifted his head, was able to look Astrid in the eye somehow. “He wants me.”

“Wants you for what? Like how Alvin wanted you to tame dragons for him?”

Hiccup ran a shaky hand through his hair. “No, not that. He, uh… I really don’t know how to say it.” And that was the truth. How was Hiccup supposed to put this into words.

“Hiccup, I’m not going to judge you for anything.”

“Even though this war’s my fault?”

Astrid leaned forward, hands clasped on the table. “You still haven’t explained to me how it is.”

“I rejected him,” Hiccup said suddenly.

“What?”

“Dagur, he… he’s attracted to me and obsessed with me, and I rejected him,” Hiccup got out. “That’s why he went to war. Because he’s upset that I said no, that I don’t have the same feelings back.”

Astrid sat back in her chair, like the shock had sent her backwards. She didn’t say anything, just looked at the table in stunned silence.

“And that’s not the only thing that happened.” Hiccup had properly explained how this was all his fault now, and he didn’t have to explain what had happened on the ship, but for some reason he found it coming out of him. It had been bottled up for months now, destroying his sleep, his thoughts, his appetite, and now all he could do was let it come out as words. “When he took me back to his ship he…” Shame added itself to the horrible mixture boiling in his stomach. It was almost like he could feel Dagur’s lips on his, hot and oppressive and everything he didn’t want.

“He what?” Astrid asked, sounding a little afraid of what his answer would be.

“He kissed me,” Hiccup answered. “Again and again, like he was trying to eat me or something. And when I lay awake at night, waiting for the nightmares, it’s like I can still taste him.” He hadn’t meant to say so much, but he had, and there was no taking it back. He looked to Astrid fearfully, waiting to be judged.

There was horror in her eyes. “Oh gods, Hiccup. Did he do anything else? Did he… rape you?” Astrid said the word like it had a bad taste on her tongue. Hiccup had never heard it before.

“Rape…?” He tested it out. He decided he didn’t like it either. Something about it just felt so inherently wrong.

“Oh man, you don’t even know what that is, do you?”

Hiccup shook his head.

Astrid’s face reddened a little, and she cleared her throat. “Do you at least know what sex is?” Her voice was little more than an awkward squeak.

Hiccup’s face flushed as well. “Yeah, I do.”

“Well, um, rape is when someone does that to you when you don’t want it.”

“Oh.” Horror stabbed Hiccup in the stomach. He’d known Dagur was going to do something bad and unwanted to him, but he hadn’t thought into it. Every time his thoughts went there he made them stop before he could go too far.  _ That’s  _ what he’d been about to do to him on the ship. He’d been minutes away from being raped, and his friends and his dad had saved him in just the nick of time.

“He didn’t do that, did he?” Astrid sounded terrified.

“He didn’t,” Hiccup assured her, and relief softened her features. “I think he was about to, but you guys saved me.”

Astrid heaved a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank the gods. But I wish we could have saved you sooner, that he’d never captured you in the first place.” Astrid stood, went over to him, and Hiccup let himself accept her embrace and lean into her open arms. He was trembling. Telling someone made it seem all the more real, made it seem like he could feel Dagur’s hands running under his clothes and his mouth on his. He was admittedly terrified. He never wanted to see him again, but he had to if he wanted his dad back.

An idea came to mind, a terrible idea that he’d had before but always shut down. That was before his dad had been captured though. Now, it seemed like he had no choice.

“Astrid, I have to give myself to him.” He didn’t know how he said it so evenly when the idea scared him so badly he wanted to curl into a ball and hide away from everything. He felt courage though as well, determination. He had to get his dad back, even if they wouldn’t be together on Berk. At least Berk would have their chief and the war would be over. It was better than having him as acting chief and the war still raging. Who knew how long that could go on?

Astrid suddenly hugged him tighter, like she was trying to keep him there though he hadn’t moved. “No. No you don’t.”

“I do. He wants me. His note said he’d give us back our chief if he had me. He said he’d do a trade.” The fear was trickling out of him now, replaced with determination, clarity. He knew what he had to do.

“Hiccup, no. I’m not letting you do that.”

Hiccup pulled away from her, stood. “Look, Astrid, I know what I have to do. It’s either this or he kills my dad and the war continues. There’s no good way to do this, but if I turn myself over to him, at least the war will be over and Berk will have it’s chief back.”

Astrid furiously shook her head. “Hiccup, sit back down. We’re going to talk this through. There’s another way to do this. We just haven’t found it yet. We’ll get Stoick back, but not at the cost of you.”

“Seems like an unfair price if you ask me.” Him for Stoick the Vast? He hardly matched up.

“It is. It’s much too high to pay, so sit back down and let us talk about this. Don’t do anything stupid.”

Hiccup didn’t know if it was fear or reason that made him listen to Astrid, but he sat back down, and together they came up with a plan.

  
  


After the business with the Screaming Death, Hiccup went alone to see Dagur in his cell. He knew that he was locked up, but maybe seeing him that way would be the one and only thing to ease his fears, to make his nightmares stop, because though he knew he couldn’t reach him, he was still scared. 

Dagur was up at the bars as soon as Hiccup approached with the lantern. He’d been stripped of his armor and his helmet, and there was something Hiccup hadn’t seen in his eyes before: fear. He was afraid to be here, afraid of what would be done to him. Usually that look in someone’s eyes would make Hiccup want to help them, but now there was a colder part of him that felt satisfied at seeing it.

Dagur didn’t act afraid though. He crossed his arms almost nonchalantly. 

“Come to let me out, brother?”

“No, actually,” Hiccup told him. “Came to see that you were properly locked up.”

“That’s a bit cruel coming from you.”

“Yeah, well, you deserve it,” Hiccup spat.

“After all we’ve been through?” Dagur asked.

“All we’ve been through?” Hiccup questioned incredulously. “You mean a few hours ago when you were ready to kill me,  _ yourself _ ,  _ and  _ everyone around us just to get me to give myself to you? Or last night when you kidnapped my dad? How about a few weeks before that when you stripped Berk of all of its weapons and came to invade? And what about-”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Dagur cut him off. “You’re holding resentment.”

“Yes I am,” Hiccup stated firmly, glaring at him.

“That doesn’t change why I did all of that, Hiccup. That doesn’t change that I did all of it for you.” Dagur’s voice had lowered, and he came closer to the bars. “It doesn’t change that I lo-”

“No! Don’t say it! Don’t you dare!” The last thing Hiccup wanted to hear out of Dagur’s mouth was that he loved him. “You don’t know what that is! If you did you would have taken my rejection and left me alone, but instead you had to go to war over it!”

Dagur’s lip curled in anger. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel, Hiccup. That’s not how this works.”

“It is right now.” Hiccup knew in any other situation, with any other person, that didn’t make sense and was more than unfair, but he couldn’t allow Dagur to love him. How could he? Going to war  _ with  _ the person you supposedly loved wasn’t a good way of showing it.

“Fine. If that’s how you feel about it.” Dagur came close, gripped the bars, stuck his head out between them, and Hiccup jumped back a little, heart racing at the proximity. “But know that I will get out of here and I will come for you. Then I’m going to make you mine.”

Hiccup did something he wasn’t proud of. He ran from the prison. He’d entered hoping to leave his nightmares behind him, but now he was sure he would only have new ones.


End file.
